Time for another WACKY FACTS ABOUT DOGS with Archie Brindleton, guys!
This episode: THE AFFENPINSCHER!
Everybuddy knows that Affenpinchers are are teensy, little puppies with long, shaggy hair on their faceparts that look like adorable hobos. They are sooperold plus soopersmall, so they are basically puppy elves. Yes. BUTT... most peoples don't know they make really lousy toys, so The Holidaytimes Pajamaman (Santa) only ever hired one and that guy basically swept the floors for a while 'till the Pajamaman made some calls and got him a job at Costco.
Anyhoozle, wayback in oldentimesdays, in a little Germanyberg townvillage, called Gurgleburgle North, some lady drank lots and lots of foamydrinks, then glued a monkey’s face onto a Belgian Waffle. She was fired. Her nextdoor neighbour was a weird little guy who's puppy lost all it's faceparts in a bet. Long story. They fell in lovings. Basically, the lady married the man, then the puppy with no face tried to eat the waffle that had a face and that is how Affenpinschers were invented. Pretty straightforward.
Now for the FACTEROIDS!!
FACT: Did you know that If you took the name Affenpinscher and put it in a 'puterbox, then asked the 'puterbox to tell you what it means, it would say Eagle Salmon Dumptruck and then the number Seven? That is a fact!
FACT: Affenpinscherpuppies are famous for standing around on what sciencepeoples call “legs”. Mostly they have one "leg" in each corner and mosttimes they have four corners. Pretty weird.
FACT: Affenpinschers have a harsh, wiry coat that can be used to clean barbecues. Truestory
FACT: They wear coats that are waymoreshaggier over the brainmelon and shoulder parts which make them look like little Lions, only small, and hysterical. That is why so many Affenpinschers get into politics. They want to be kings; like lions are, but they are way too short. One became a Baron or a Duke or something one time, though. Or maybe he was just a manager at a laundromat. I forget. But manager of a laundromat is still pretty 'mazing ‘cuz he would have to deal with lots of coins every daytimes with no thumbs.
SOOPERFUN ACTIVITY TO TRY: Next time somebody walks up to you, just stare at them until they make a face. Then say “Affenpinscher” in a sooperweird voice. See what happens!
FACT: They are real barky plus they will talk your ear off if you let them, so if you ever go to an Affenpinscher dinnerparty and get cornered, just say “In this economy?” , then walk away real casual-like.
FACT: Affenpinschers learn sooperfast! One time an Affenpinscher built a hovercraft out of an old cyclebike, a toilet and a ukelele. I know! But it happened. He was the inspiration for the TV show, “Macguyver” which was originally called “Affenpinscher,” but they ran out of letters.
FACT: Affenpinschers aren’t allowed into casinos guys. EVER. You figure it out.
FACT: These days, Affenpinscher coats are almost alwaystimes black, but some are grey, silver, red, black plus tan, and something called belge. Look it up. Obviously the red ones are the most fastest. Also, “BELGE” is not a real word. That whole thing started when a sooperfamous puppy trainer ate some sketchy Mexican food, then did an interview. They asked him about his Affenpinschers, then he made that noise and had to leave allasudden.