Now is the times for another sooperfun episode of...
WACKY FACTS ABOUT DOGS
with ARCHIE BRINDLETON!
This episode is alla 'bout the TIBETAN MASTIFF aka LION DOGS!!
First for the simple stuff: Tibetan Mastiffs were created by a gang of religious monkeys- sometimes called "monks" - that live high up in the mountainhills who spend most of their days staring and doing calligraphy.
One of these monkeys collected faces. His name was Phil. And one day day Phil made a sandwich and then sewed a dogs face onto a lion. Nobody knows why. They all just said "Oh, that Phil... what a monkey." Which was true.
Anyhoozle, the lion was so embarrassed, it turned red and ran away into the 1970's. That is why these dogs are so rare and also where shag carpeting comes from. If you didn't know, shag carpeting used to be called Red Tibetan Mastiff Carpeting, but everyone thought that sounded pretty weird.
- FACT: The word Mastiff is actually a spelling mistake, guys. Yup. Should be spelled "Massive", 'cuz these dogs are sooperhuge and stuff. Everybuddy knows it, butt nobuddy wants to be the goober dingus that points it out. Butt what most peoples DON'T know is that they are only big when they are on the ground. Truestory If you watch a Tibetan Massive climb up a mountain, it will get smaller and smaller and smaller the waymorehigher it goes. It's basically science.
- FACT: Not all Tibetan Massive's are embarrassed red colour. Some are black, black and tan, blue-blacky-ish, and the rarest kinds are made of snowflakes, have smellerators made out of a carrot, plus lookingmarbles made of coal, and have magic hats that can control the weather!!
- FACT: The most famous Tibetan Massive in evertimes was named PETERMAYHEW and he got sooperfamous actorating the role of "Chewbacca" in the StarryWars picturemovies. Yes. He mostly worked with the guy named HamSalad on the spaceship called the MillenniumFlamingo.
- FACT: These gigantical, wooly puppies are really excellent at guarding things, so lots can be found working for jewelry shoppingstores guarding sparklystones and big bags of dollarpennies!! At parties, tell your friendlypals that the Brink's armoured rumblytruck company was started by a big red dog dog named Clifford Brink!! They will be impressed!!
And those are the facts as far as I know!
Tune in nextimes for more WACKY FACTS ABOUT DOGS with me, Archie Brindleton!!